Listless - Jasia
by holbythings
Summary: IN PROGRESS A worrying occurrence makes Zosia realise that there is much more to Jac than first meets the eye. Inspired by a post on holbycityconfessions. Tw: eating disorder
1. Chapter 1

Based on a submission to Holbycityconfessions by Anonymous

Jac steadied herself on the counter in the break room. Zosia stopped talking, sensing something was wrong. Jac's head wasn't just spinning, it was turning somersaults and she could feel darkness closing in on her. Vaguely, she recognized her girlfriend's voice but couldn't make out anything.

She awoke to her arm being shook. She was lying on the floor in the break room. Mercifully, nobody else seemed to be there apart from Zosia. 'Jac! Oh my God, what happened?' Jac sat up, trying to diffuse the situation. 'I'm just tired. It's lack of sleep, that's all.' 'You shouldn't really be working. Go back to the house and I'll tell-' Jac stood up sharply, causing her to wobble again, only a little but enough for Zosia to notice. 'Jac, when did you last eat?' she asked, much to her chagrin. 'This morning, I grabbed toast as I left.' 'No, you didn't, I saw you leave.'

Jac saw red. 'You know what? I don't have to explain myself to you! If I want your help, I will ask for it.' Before Zosia could get another word in, Jac had gone back to the ward.

'Have you noticed anything about Jac lately?' asked Zosia, writing meaningless observations in a patient's notes. 'Ooh, why, trouble in paradise?' Zosia shook her head. 'I'm serious. She blacked out earlier and when I talked to her about it, she started lying and getting really defensive.' Dom thought. 'Yeah, she's been acting weird these past few months. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but she did mention being jealous of thin people, you know, little comments, but...' Zosia had ventured enough into psychology to know that this wasn't particularly good news.

'What do I do?' Dom shrugged. 'She wants everyone to think she doesn't feel anything, so no wonder she freaked out at you. I honestly don't know.' With that, he pointed to his watch and went back out to Keller.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews. Critical acclaim eh? ;P

Of course, the two couldn't hide forever and soon they bumped into eachother on the ward. Jac pretended to see straight through Zosia but the junior doctor went out of her way to stop her girlfriend in her tracks. 'I think we should get something to eat in Pulses. Are you coming?' Jac smirked humourlessly. 'I do have patients to get to, Dr. March. I'm not paid to gossip over coffee.' 'Can you stop acting like that and come and talk?' Jac didn't respond but decided to follow Zosia to a table in Pulses.

'What are you having?' 'Black coffee.' 'And?' 'I'm not hungry, if that's what you're trying to say.' Zosia returned after a few minutes with two cups and two plates with sandwiches. 'Please eat something?' asked Zosia. 'Sure,' said Jac, too nonchalantly. 'You need a good meal in the morning, you know that, right?' Jac rolled her eyes. 'I know how the human body works, Zosh, I've worked with them long enough.' Zosia smiled, happy to see Jac apparently back to her usual tricks. 'I feel like Hanssen is going to see us, though.' said Zosia. Jac put her hands up. 'It was your idea and that's all I'm going to say.'

When everything was finished, Zosia hopped off the chair. 'We'd better get back, there will be missing posters up already.' 'In a second.' said Jac, waving Zosia away. Zosia lingered in the background, not quite leaving yet. She knew something was strange so she decided to wait until Jac came out of the bathrooms. Minutes passed and Zosia made up her mind to go in. She caught Jac on her way out. Zosia held Jac's wrist. 'Are you okay?' Jac forced a smile that could fool no one. 'You look really...' Jac tried to shrug Zosia away but had no energy left in her. 'You look like you've been sick.' Jac rubbed her eyes, clearly upset. 'I haven't. Just... let me go?' Zosia let go but still had a terrible feeling in the pit of her stomach. I'm no girlfriend if I didn't even notice this was happening.


	3. Chapter 3

sorry for not updating, got my phone confiscated. :p

As soon as she got a short break, Zosia rushed down to the desk in Darwin Ward. 'Have you seen Ms. Naylor anywhere?' she asked a young nurse who didn't seem to be doing much. 'Went home, didn't she?' replied the nurse snappily, without even looking up from what seemed to be Instagram. 'Me too,' replied Zosia urgently before heading towards the lift.

The house was quiet apart from Zosia frantically jingling the keys in the lock. She stepped inside and saw no obvious signs that her girlfriend was even there. She was about to turn back when she heard something from their bedroom. She opened the door and saw an inconsolable Jac sitting on the floor. 'Jac, what's happened?' 'I'm so disgusting, Zosia.' wept Jac. Zosia had never seen Jac like this before and was at a loss for words. 'Come on, Jac...' Jac shook her head, still sobbing soundlessly. 'I'm so fucking pathetic. Please, just leave me alone.' 'Jac, I can help you, but you need to let me.' Jac turned away from Zosia. 'Leave me the fuck alone and drop the shrink act.' The junior doctor pursed her lips. It really hurt her to hear Jac say that, even though it was just in the heat of the moment. She stood up, pacing the room. 'Get out,' repeated Jac weakly, although she didn't know if it was her saying it.

Her vision was like a kaleidoscope, colours dancing everywhere, fading away, brightening. Within seconds, Zosia was checking her pulse, calling for her, trying to get her to wake up. Jac was listless. 'An irregular heartbeat,' muttered Zosia to herself. The hospital was minutes away but the frightened junior doctor wasn't sure they were close enough. Hands shaking, she reached into her pocket to dial 999.

The ambulance shook as it tore over speed ramps getting to Holby City hospital. It was the closest hospital to their house and so that was where Jac was admitted. Zosia stayed by her girlfriend as she was rushed through the corridors. She caught snatches of conversation from the paramedics. 'Suspected weakened heart muscle,' said one. 'Risk of heart failure,' said another. 'Where are you taking her?' stammered Zosia. She was still in her scrubs so she had blended in. 'You should really go, I-' began a nurse. 'Tell me what's happening.' commanded Zosia. The nurse relented. 'They're talking about a left ventricular reconstruction. Are you next of kin?' Zosia nodded. 'Do you know what might have caused this? It seems to be from long term damage...' 'I think... I think it might be from bulimia nervosa.'


End file.
